Should I break up with my girlfriend? - Page 2 - ClubTread Community

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post #16 of (permalink) Old 07-29-2018, 05:29 AM Thread Starter
Headed for the Mountains
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: West Coast, British Columbia, Canada.
Interest: Anything Alpine related, running, computers, fly fishing, chatting.
Posts: 231

I broke up with my girlfriend after watching the South Africa's Celebration of Lights fireworks.

I drove to her house at 8:00 pm and gave her a gift of a box of freshly picked figs from my parent's garden. She thanked me for it, and I asked her if she wanted to put the figs in her house. She declined and told me that it was okay to put in my the trunk in my car. When I drove to the fireworks, she didn't mention once about marriage. I had a feeling that she really wanted to watch the fireworks. Even when we walked towards Vanier Park, there was no mention about marriage. There was no mention about marriage while watching the fireworks. However, she began becoming delusional after the fireworks when we were walking away from Vanier Park as she mentioned she saw my mom. She said, "I saw your mom", which was completely untrue. So, guess what? She called my parent's home phone number while walking away in Vanier Park and my Dad picked up the phone and she spoke briefly to my Dad and asked to speak to my mom, which she did.

What really surprised me was that she didn't even wear the engagement ring and she left it at home when we were watching the fireworks. She wore no jewellery at all which was extremely unusual as she always wore earrings, a necklace or her own promise ring. She said she was too busy after showering to wear jewellery. She did put some effort in dressing for the event as she wore a Reitmans sleeveless floral blouse, slim fitting black jeans and purple coloured Adidas Stan Smith leather sneakers. She always dressed appropriately and nicely.

When I was driving home while listen to CBC 105.7 with the jazz music in the background, I told her that I really wanted to get married next year. After hearing about it, she said, "I will break up with you and I will return the engagement ring." She said, "Do you understand that if I get married next year, I will be 37 when the baby is born and that is considered high risk for the baby?" After, she mentioned about death threats towards me if her baby was born with birth defects if she was 37 years old.

After hearing about the acts of violence, I knew it was the right thing to break up with her.

She has a history of violence as she mentioned to me that she punched two individuals in the face during arguments, however she was never engaged in physical violence towards me.

I think my ex-girlfriend has real mental health problems, and she might be bi-polar and told me that she was diagnosed with depression.

When I arrive at her house, she went back to her room picked up the engagement ring and returned it to me while I was sitting in my car. She thanked me for taking care of her and she thanked my parents for dinners she had at their house. I thanked her for teaching me about cooking and all the time she spent time with me. After, she said she didn't want to see me anymore. She said it in a very calm voice and there was no shouting at all. I wonder if it was because I had CBC 105.7FM with their jazz music on during the drive home?

Oh, she never took the figs from my car.
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post #17 of (permalink) Old 07-29-2018, 02:10 PM
Scaling New Heights
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: North Shore
Interest: Hiking, Scuba diving, Underwater Photography
Posts: 84

Man that is tough however it is for the best. You do not want to be in that relationship. Not with threats and everything being made. Plus there is no guarantee that she will get pregnant, i have friends that have been trying unsuccessfully for years. And to just have a baby is not a good enough reason to get married.

Sorry Vertical

Time to pack the gear and head for the mountains for some R&R

What is my goal in life? To enjoy the great outdoors as much as I can
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post #18 of (permalink) Old 07-29-2018, 05:58 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Sunshine Coast, BC, Canada.
Posts: 2,194


If it takes that much work, energy and heartache before you are even married, you can be assured all of that will only increase once you are married. Is that even possible to do? If it's that hard now, well, life is just too short for the headwinds you will face in this situation. Marriage, the really good kind, is not borne of desperation or need. It comes out of the kind of love that is willing to put aside some of yourself to make room for another person, forever, no matter what life throws at you. Against such a backdrop, your description of this situation is a bit unnerving.

And for the record, sisters often have very good insights into these things. Mine did.

Find a trail, Trekker, into the cool sub-alpine.

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post #19 of (permalink) Old 07-30-2018, 12:46 AM
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 303

Honestly, that was one of the best breakups you can have. It doesn't matter who had the last word, who had the last say. She returned something to you that you can return for your hard earned money. And that it's about money, but the engagement ring has no purpose to you now. Everything was calm, aside from the death threats, there was no chaotic scene where the police were called or possessions destroyed. Believe me, a lot of breakups are far worse than what you experienced. I wish my breakup with my ex was that easy.

This is an opportunity for you to grow and develop yourself into the person you've always wanted to be. A woman should never determine a man's happiness, nor should a woman be the centre of a man's life. A woman is supposed to compliment your life, not control it. I can tell you that if you strive to live a life of excellence in your career, education, hobbies and pursuits then quality women will come to you. So ask yourself where you want to be in a year from now, set some goals for yourself, create a strategy that will lead to the success of those goals and go out and achieve the things that you always wanted to do.

Don't live your life with regrets, don't live your life for someone else. Live your life for yourself and your own happiness. Let the women out there recognize you for the man that you are, the struggles you've overcome and the achievements you've accomplished. You will find happiness with someone who treats your respectfully, is considerate about your emotions, respects your boundaries and meets your expectations.

By the way, I highly recommend you read those books I mentioned earlier. Now that you have this freedom, head out to the trails. I do not recommend doing it solo though, as your mind will wander off into thoughts about her. Do it in a small group where you can connect with people. I have several Sunday hikes lined up for August, contact me if you wish to join.

Chris S.
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post #20 of (permalink) Old 07-30-2018, 11:03 AM
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Join Date: May 2018
Location: Edmonton
Interest: Hiking, Fishing, Camping, Hockey
Posts: 11

Originally Posted by Vertical_Trekker View Post
I agree and I've seen similar posts on reddit, but I don't have a reddit account.
Reddit will just tell you to break up. I don't think anyone ever gets any solid relationship advice from there.
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post #21 of (permalink) Old 04-07-2019, 09:49 PM
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Chwk, , Canada.
Posts: 5,318

Just found this one............

If you have to ask strangers what to do about your girlfriend, then chances are the two of you shouldn't be together.
While it's true that "love conquers all" has to be mutual.
Truth-be-known, trust and respect go further and there doesn't seem to be much of either in your relationship.

This thread is almost a year old. I hope you made the right choice.....
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