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post #16 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 10:22 AM
Off the Beaten Path
 
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Who am I? WHO ARE YOU...<img src=icon_smile_question.gif border=0 align=middle>

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post #17 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 11:17 AM
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Now..I'm going to count to three...and when I snap my fingers, you will fall into a deep trance, and then when I give the word...you will hand over to me all your booze and food...

"If you don't get at it, when you get to it, you won't get to it to get at it again!"
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post #18 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 11:21 AM Thread Starter
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What do you mean the Helly Hansen sale was this weekend. You had better be joking! <img src=icon_smile_angry.gif border=0 align=middle>





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post #19 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 11:39 AM
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Is that Hamlin over there with a new telephoto lens??? Damn! IT IS!

I'd rather be hiking!
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post #20 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 01:48 PM
 
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Tell me.... WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE TOILET PAPER...... <img src=icon_smile_angry.gif border=0 align=middle>

sbouchard

Life is like Ontario
Yours to Discover
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post #21 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 02:52 PM
 
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Spontaneous combustion ? Dry lightning ? ...... Maybe ... Maybe not !

^^ Livin' in the 3rd dimension - Go Vertical !!
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post #22 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 06:52 PM
 
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DAM-IT Jim! did you let off another barking Spider!<img src=icon_smile_shock.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_shock.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_shock.gif border=0 align=middle>

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post #23 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 07:14 PM
 
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No Im not kidding DAM IT !!!! I DID see a large, yellow coloured, rounded top monster thingie in the woods !!!

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post #24 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 08:23 PM
High on the Mountain Top
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Maple Ridge, B.C., Canada.
Interest: BC Park Volunteer for the front and backcountry trails in Golden Ears Park. Also love to kayak !!!
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Quote:
quote:
DAM-IT Jim! did you let off another barking Spider!<img src=icon_smile_shock.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_shock.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_shock.gif border=0 align=middle>

Everything you always wanted to know about farts...and some things you
probably didn't want to know.

What makes farts stink?

The odor of flatulence comes from small amounts of hydrogen sulfide
gas and mercaptans in the mixture like on the West Coast Trail trip with Jimbo. These compounds contain sulfur.
Nitrogen-rich compounds such as skatole and indole also add to the
stench. The more sulfur-rich one's diet, the more sulfides and
mercaptans will be produced by the bacteria in their guts, and the
more
their farts will stink. Foods such as cauliflower, eggs and meat are
notorious for producing smelly farts, whereas beans produce large
amounts of not particularly stinky farts.

Why are stinky farts generally warmer and quieter than regular farts?

Most flatulence comes from Pitt Meadows and swallowed air consists largely of
nitrogen and carbon dioxide, the oxygen having been absorbed by the
time
it reaches the anal opening. These gases are odorless, although they
often pick up other (and more odiferous) components on their passage
through the bowel. They emerge from the anus in fairly large bubbles
at
body temperature. A person can often achieve a good sound with these
voluminous farts, but they are commonly (but not always!) mundane with
respect to odor, and don't feel particularly warm. Another major
source
of flatulence is bacterial action. Bacterial fermentation and
digestion
processes produce heat as a byproduct as well as various pungent
gases.
The resulting bubbles of gas tend to be small, hot, and concentrated
with stinky bacterial metabolic products. These emerge
as the notorious, warm, SBD (Silent-But-Deadly) emissions, often in
amounts too small to produce a good sound, but excelling in stench.

How much gas does a normal person pass per day?

On average, a person produces about half a liter of flatulence per
day while hiking on the trail, distributed over an average of about fourteen daily farts.
Whereas
it may be difficult for you to determine your daily flatus volume,
you
can certainly keep track of your daily numerical fart count. You
might
try this when hiking with Jim Hamlin: Keep a journal of everything you
eat
and a count of your farts. You might make a note of the potency of
their odor as well. See if you can discover a relationship between
what
you eat, how much you fart, and how much they smell.

How long does it take flatulence to travel to someone else's nose?

Fart travel time depends on atmospheric conditions such as
humidity, temperature, wind speed and direction, the molecular weight
of the fart particles, and the distance between the fart transmitter
and
the fart receiver. Farts also disperse (spread out) as they leave the
source, and their potency diminishes with dilution. Generally, if
flatus
is not detected within a few seconds, it will be too dilute for
perception and will be lost into the atmosphere forever. Exceptional
conditions exist when flatus is released into a small enclosed area
such as an Outhouse, a small warming hut, or Hiking Nuts Tent. These conditions limit
the
amount of dilution possible, and the flatus may remain in a smellable
concentration for a long period of time, until it condenses on the
walls.

Why is there a 13 to 20 second delay between farting and the time it
starts to smell?

Actually, the fart stinks immediately upon emergence, but it takes
several seconds for the odor to travel to the farter's nostrils. If
farts could travel at the speed of sound, we would smell them almost
instantly, at the same time we hear them.

Is it true that some people never fart?

No, not if they're alive. People even fart shortly after death.

Do even movie stars fart?

Yes. Most men take more pride in it than most women. There is a large
variation among individuals in the amount of fart gas produced per
day,
but the variation does not correlate with gender. I have read that men
fart more often than women. If this is true, then women must be saving
it up and expelling more gas per fart than men do.

Do men's farts smell worse than women's farts?

Based on what I have experienced of women's farts, all I can say is
that I hope not.

At what time of day is a gentleman most likely to fart?

A gentleman is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning,
while in the bathroom. This is known as "morning thunder," and if the
gentleman gets good resonance, it can be heard throughout the
household.

Why are beans so notorious for making people fart?

Beans contain sugars that we humans cannot digest. When these sugars
reach our intestines, the bacteria go wild, have a big feast, and make
lots of gas! Other notorious fart-producing foods include corn, bell
peppers, cabbage, milk, and raisins. A friend of mine had a dog that
was exceptionally fond of apples and turnips. The dog would eat these
things and then get prodigious gas. A dog's digestive system is not
equipped to handle such vegetable matter, so the dog's bacteria
worked
overtime to produce remarkable flatulence.

What things other than diet can make a person fart more than usual?

People who swallow a lot of air fart more than people who don't. This
can be cured somewhat by chewing with your mouth closed. Nervous
people
with fast moving bowels will fart more because less air is absorbed
out
of the intestines. Some disease conditions can cause excess
flatulence.
And going up in an airplane or other low- pressure environment can
cause
the gas inside you to expand and emerge as flatulence.

Is flatulence really just a burp that comes out the wrong end?

No, a burp emerges from the stomach and has a different chemical
composition from a fart. Farts have less atmospheric gas content and
more bacterial gas content than burps.

Is it harmful to hold in farts?

There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have
believed for centuries that retaining flatulence is bad for the
health.
Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at overnite hiking trips out
of
concern for people's health. There was a widespread belief that a
person
could be poisoned or catch a disease by retaining farts. Doctors I
have
spoken to recently have told me that there is no particular harm in
holding in farts. Farts will not poison a person inasmuch as they are
a
natural component of one's intestinal contents. The worst thing that
can
happen is that one may get abdominal pain from the gas pressure. One
doctor has suggested that pathological distention of the bowel can
result from excessive holding in of farts.

How long would it be possible to not fart?

As I understand it, a captive fart can escape as soon as the person
relaxes. This means that many people who assiduously refrain from
farting during the day do so at great length as soon as they fall
asleep. Having been on a great many overnight hiking trips, long bus
trips, and trans-Pacific flights, I can personally vouch for the fact
that many people do fart voluminously as they doze off. So the answer
to
the question would be, yes, one can refrain from farting as long as
one
can stay awake!

Do all people fart in their sleep? Ask Jimbo?

I have not made a scientific study of this, but I don't think all
people fart in their sleep. I think mainly those who refuse to fart
when
they're awake do so when dozing off. For other people, toilet training
takes such a strong hold that they let nothing pass their sphincters
in
sleep. For these people, the gas accumulates in the night and they
vent
it upon awakening.

Where do farts go when one holds them in?

How often have you held in a fart, intending to release it at the
first appropriate opportunity, only to find that the fart has
disappeared when you are ready for it? I asked several doctors where
the
fart goes. Does it leak out slowly without the person knowing it? Is
it
absorbed into the bloodstream? What happens to it? The doctors agree
that the flatus is neither released nor absorbed. It simply migrates
back upward into the intestine and comes out later. It is reassuring
to
know that such farts aren't really lost, but simply delayed.

How can one conceal flatus?

There is a company called Fartypants that sells underwear through MEC designed
to absorb the odor of farts. If one should be caught without their
Fartypants, another ploy is to blame another hiker, if one should be
present, or complain about how the wind must be blowing from the
direction of the outhouse. As for the sound... if one is in a large
group of people, they must act oblivious and innocent or glance
quickly
at the person next to them, as if they think that person farted. Other
strategies include coughing or suddenly moving one's camp chair so that
people think that they misheard the fart. If one is with only one
other
person, they can act as if nothing happened, and their companion may
believe he/she was mistaken in thinking they heard a fart.

Is it really possible to ignite farts?

The answer to this question is YES! However, one should be aware
that people get injured igniting flatulence. Not only can the flame
back
up into one's colon, but their clothing or other surroundings may
catch
on fire like on the Stein Valley Trip recently with the CT group. A survey done by Fartcloud (the site, alas, is no more)
indicates that about a quarter of the people who ignited their farts
were burned. Ignition of flatulence is a hazardous practice. However,
if
you want to try it, and you don't have a friend to light your fart for
you, you might find it easier to accomplish the job using the
Fartlighter. There have also been cases in which intestinal gases with
a
higher than normal oxygen content have exploded during surgery when
electrocautery was used by the surgeon.

Why is it possible to burn farts?

Farts burn because they contain hydrogen and usually methane, both
of which are flammable gases. (Hydrogen was the same gas that was
used
in the ill-fated Hindenburg dirigible.) Farts tend to burn with a blue
or yellow flame. Similiar to the colors proposed for the new CT Logo crest.

I hope you found this as educational as I did...Thank you for your
time..
and effart...


























Edited by - Ron Paley on 10/15/2003 8:58:09 PM
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post #25 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 08:52 PM
Summit Master
 
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Geeze you're full of hot air, Ron! <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>

I'd rather be hiking!
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post #26 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 09:57 PM
 
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HAHAHAHAHA!!! man, i love this board <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>

...only in a world this cold...
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post #27 of (permalink) Old 10-15-2003, 10:45 PM
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Posts: 6,120
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Another study shows you are wrong Ron.Every hiker/camper knows about the relationships between baked beans , hot gases and the opening of dimensional portals ( not science fiction ,but science fact)The rotation of matter sets up a 11 dimensional scalar wave in hyperspace. The scalar wave has a rising, falling or steady base frequency. The hyper dimensional energy is converted to heat at the focal points of the of the 5th dimensional tetrahedral flex wave at one of the three tetrahedral / sphere intersection points. These points are located at 19.5 degrees away from either the north or south axis of rotation. These focal points result in hot spots on or near the campfire and result in a portal opening that allows
" Barking Spiders" to enter our world.
I suggest you do the math yourself and you'll see I'm right .

This may be a bit hard to follow so I am providing a drawing to help.


The intersecting points are where the "Barking Spiders" enter our universe.
The loud noise you may hear (accompanied by the smell) is an actual tear in the space/time continuum . I hope this clears the air ! and we can now get back to talking about hiking as this form was designed to do.


As for Jimbo : " Are we really going to sing cum ba ya <img src=icon_smile_question.gif border=0 align=middle>



"No Trail is Long with Good Company"
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post #28 of (permalink) Old 10-16-2003, 11:51 AM
Summit Master
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Da\'Wack, BC, Canada.
Interest: Hiking, flyfishing, camping, photography, kayaking, swimming, x-country skiing wana get my open water dive certification... scrabble, mean yatzee player.........
Posts: 5,392
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LMAO Hiker, nice bit of fart-facts Ron. Something to think about next time I'm on the trail<img src=icon_smile_shock.gif border=0 align=middle>

(While we're on the topic)

caption: you're not really going to eat that are you?

exploring life, admiring beauty, seeking peace along life's dusty trail
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post #29 of (permalink) Old 10-16-2003, 02:19 PM
High on the Mountain Top
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: South West corner of, BC, Canada.
Interest: Photography, hiking/camping, being eccentric,
Posts: 1,558
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It's Jimbo doing his HikingNut impersonation!<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>

___________________

I'm not affraid of death. I'm affraid of not being alive.
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post #30 of (permalink) Old 10-16-2003, 11:58 PM
High on the Mountain Top
 
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Location: Somewhere between pomp & circumstance, British Columbia, Canada.
Interest: Hmmmm?
Posts: 1,416
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Is this all true...or are you just blowin' smoke?!<img src=icon_smile_blush.gif border=0 align=middle>

Animals are my friends...and my friends taste good barbequed!
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